I just pynch a tree in the face
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
