His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
