Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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