Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
