i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
