I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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