Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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