Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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