You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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