just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
