The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
