Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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