did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
