I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
