I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
