end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
