Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
pray to the hookup gods
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
