Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
