we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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