my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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