The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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