Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
