I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
In America we eat man semen.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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