Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
