You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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