I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
