Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
