yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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