Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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