this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
