Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
