Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
