It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
