I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
