Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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