You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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