and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
