11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize