So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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