I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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