waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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