at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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