im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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