I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
