she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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