tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize