i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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