The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
