We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
