Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just google imaged poop.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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