What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
