Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
