I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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