I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
