dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
