Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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