Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you didnt know i had herpes?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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