hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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