fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
