$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
