All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
