no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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