Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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