Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
